[UPDATED 6/1/17: Someone has started a blog and has replied to this article, which is great to see. Visit Em’s blog by clicking HERE. For any car enthusiasts out there who I have offended, you might want to read the comment I left at the bottom of her article.]

Have you ever been keen on someone, and for the most part they are good company, but there is just one little thing that bugs you enough about them to prevent hanging out more, and by more I mean like never again? Like what you ask? uh Bad breath? Political views? Body odour? How they talk to waiters or their family? Or whether they like dogs or not? Think about it. It happens all the time. The rest of them is fine but its just…..nah. no. Deal is off. Just one little thing. It’s unfair when you think about it, but such is life.

This same mental process is how people think when they are shopping around for someplace new to live. Seemingly little things do matter.

Greytown, Carterton are viewed more favourably by visitors, and subsequently are growing faster than Masterton. Way faster. That is not up for debate. Masterton has a problem that is the elephant in the room. Every visitor to the town knows it. But we are so used to it we don’t even notice, do we? Can’t put your finger on it yet? Think hard.  It’s not Cicadas.

Masterton’s deal breaker; its body odour; its unbearable idiosyncrasy is its…………………………… BOY RACER problem.

Doubting what I say? Consider this. The Regent Cinema in Masterton got a phone call from a representive of Universal Studios Hollywood for not one year in a row but three. They congratulated the Cinema for having the highest per capita attendance to “The Fast and Furious” sequels out of all the cinemas in New Zealand. Astonishing isn’t it, and it’s as close to empirical evidence as you will get. [Updated 6/1/17: This was an unfair statement to connect with the problem I am discussing. Car enthusiasts are for the most part good, decent people. As with any group of people, there are always a few bad eggs. Apologies]

Masterton has the small town chill factor, it has more amenities, cheaper houses and a bigger selection of grand ones, is closer to the main resort beaches, more schools, better parks, more cafes. The fundamentals of the town are solid. Oh, but the other towns are cuter you say? Greytown, sure. Carterton, you’ve got to be kidding. The place is a dogs breakfast. The only nice part is the events centre and that’s off the main street out of view. Yet they are “nicer” in the eyes of many a Wellingtonian.

It’s the boy racers, I’m telling you. Since moving back, i’ve become friends with a few guys who are car enthusiasts. Jap, Euro, Muscle, whatever. They are not the problem here. I want to stress that.

It’s the pimply, in need of a haircut, poorly dressed, deficient, bogans that drive up and down the main street all day, every day. They don’t just blat their exhausts at any one with boobs, they skid around corners, verbally harass woman, deliberately backfire their vehicles which I have seen give some old people such a fright they need to sit down, and  yell horribly racist remarks at visiting tourists who are clearly from either China, India, or the Middle East. Ask any cafe operator in town. I speak the truth and the whole truth.  They love cruising up and down through town, loud and proud, knowing that they are annoying people. They also destroy our rural roads and thankfully often end up killing themselves in crashes, but all to often innocent motorists. The police seem powerless to do much about it until it is too late.

Does it need to be said they are also often carting 14 year old girls around with them? The lads driving are all over 16. Not only are they intolerable blights to the town, they are [updated 6/1/17 most likely commiting] statutory rape.

These scumbags are blights. They operate 365 days of the year but particularly during the hours of when nearly all of our visitors are in town at a cafe or walking around the park.  As an aside, Masterton also has its share of muscle cars, some owned by guys with bulldogs or fists tattooed on their face . Im not trying to be funny, but they drive through town like normal people. They are model citizens compared to these disrespectful scrotums in my books. Again, if you don’t believe me- go speak to any business operator on the main street. It is a massive problem. It is beyond embarrassing. It is the largest problem the town faces in my opinion, excluding big ticket infrastructure. Don’t laugh. Im serious!

I know for a fact visitors notice this, and it sticks with them. They might not articulate it exactly as such. They just know they would prefer to move to Greytown or Carterton instead. I’ve pressed people on it- this is a very common reason given: “Its just a bit…boganey”. Our economic development endeavours are being hampered by this and it is inefficient to keep spending money trying to grow the towns profile until we sort it.

As much as I’d like to exterminate these wastes of space, that is not going to happen. Here is where you come in, Councillors.

In 2009 the Government introduced- under urgency-  The Land Transport (Enforcement Powers) Amendment Act which allows local authorities to make anti-cruising orders, which prevent “circling designated streets within defined periods of time”, part of a hardline toolbox available to local authorities who have a boy racer problem. Christchurch has done just this:

Mayor Bob Parker has said Christchurch people are sick of boy racers’ behaviour.

“It’s costing lives, it’s costing livelihoods and it’s costing peace of mind, and we are not going to put up with it,” he said

This isn’t just a regular article. It is something I feel very strongly about. I have started a petition below that I ask anyone who agrees with what I have said to sign. I will take this to MDC and ask they look at updating the by-laws with some urgency.

There you go Bex, I heard you’re quite the cattle rustler on council now. Can you chase this? You’ll win 2017 if you do! And I guarantee  that the public loves you for for it.

For any other councillors, the CEO, or MDC staff that are reading this: As you well know, after the new health and safety laws came into effect last year local authorities have an astonishing level of culpability in all matters H&S. I believe I’m correct in saying that if you are notified of a risk and you choose not to act on it, no matter how far down the ladder it goes, if it goes pear shaped it is on your heads- yes you guys up top. This is why I have emailed this article to each and everyone of you…. Now you know.

…If nothing is done, I promise you one day someone will be mowed down during the day on Queen Street by some scrote that has been doing laps all day week….and I will make sure your heads roll. You can count on that.

This matter should be considered in the plans for the redevelopment too as there may be design opportunities that can deter cruising by these utter morons.

If you want to sign the petition please fill out the form below. And please share this.

And one last thing Councillors, don’t chicken out when the little shits predictably go howling to the newspapers “but we don’t have a place to go. Build us a skid pad. Then we’ll be good. Waah”. Give your comment to the paper as follows:

“They can get fucked”.

There you go, my one wish from Council this year.